Its amazing to me the effect dreams can have on a person..me specifically they can ruin my day.. make my stomach turn all day.. break my heart and shed my tears.
The realization of the dream is hard to view when i'm blindfolded with so much hurt and confusion of the substance and the meaning of it all.
The dreams come and they go but they still leave imprints on my soul; break me down and make me frown i don't know how to relieve the sound the sound of the voices that sound so real and close.. the sound of the feelings that stab my heart and soul.
The past will always be there and will peek into your dreams when it will.. There may be a meaning but we may never know what it is .. or why its there.
The broken dreams of my past creeping into my present and defacing my future disturb me and make me wonder what was behind the peoples hearts and minds that hurt me and when they did .. what encouraged it? what made them do what they did.. what caused them to treat me that way.. what caused me to allow it? to stay within it when I knew otherwise i was much better off alone?
now I stand alone and independent and someone is trying to break in and i find it so hard to believe the purity of it due to all the past hurt and lies that formed my relation state of mind of being unable to trust.. to believe a promise.. to accept the pure love one wishes to give.. will they not do the same to me as those in the past?
My dreams confirm my suspicions then my heart tells it to stop ...A constant battle that runs non stop breaks my heart and tears my body parts apart.. Brings tears to my eyes and daggers to my heart
dreams may come .. dreams may go. but they will all leave an imprint on my heart and soul~
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Nature
So at peace sitting all alone in an oasis of beauty, flowers, trees, rocks and grass
all hold so much natural beauty they stand so pure with no judgement.
Although I can hear cars in the distance and people playing baseball far away its still so wonderful and such a serene place.
The sun beams burn my eyes the head from the rays warm my skin ..make me feel comfortable and safe So amazing I can walk to this daily and sit and be reassured that the world contains pureness and beauty.. not everything holds judgments and selfishness..So Gorgeous; outside thoughts dont matter ...Judgements the glares mean nothing to me while im here..that that exists is myself and this beautiful neature thats picture perfect.
Xo Tiff
all hold so much natural beauty they stand so pure with no judgement.
Although I can hear cars in the distance and people playing baseball far away its still so wonderful and such a serene place.
The sun beams burn my eyes the head from the rays warm my skin ..make me feel comfortable and safe So amazing I can walk to this daily and sit and be reassured that the world contains pureness and beauty.. not everything holds judgments and selfishness..So Gorgeous; outside thoughts dont matter ...Judgements the glares mean nothing to me while im here..that that exists is myself and this beautiful neature thats picture perfect.
Xo Tiff
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Alone
The weather has suited my mood perfectly these last few days..Cloudy, Foggy and Damp
No Highs Just lows and in-betweens....
Cant hold onto a smile barely a sigh...grey and shaky.
When I look at the sky I can see the clouds crying.I match them by the look that drains upon my face..the skies...tears become my mask a mask to my own tears...
No one can tell i'm crying just another person walking in the rain... a passerby without any sort of importance looks me in the eyes.... It looked as if she was crying... Her face was covered in pain and sorrow.. i wondered what went on that was making her look that way.. When we caught eyes... It brought even more tears to my own ... i felt connected to her .. almost like we were meant to pass by to help each-other... for a moment I almost stopped to ask .. but i just kept walking as did she... we walked away ... we kept on our paths probably going the wrong way .... but we kept walking .. being one with the weather it helped us hide within it a comforting dark and wetness..
makes you feel not so alone.
No Highs Just lows and in-betweens....
Cant hold onto a smile barely a sigh...grey and shaky.
When I look at the sky I can see the clouds crying.I match them by the look that drains upon my face..the skies...tears become my mask a mask to my own tears...
No one can tell i'm crying just another person walking in the rain... a passerby without any sort of importance looks me in the eyes.... It looked as if she was crying... Her face was covered in pain and sorrow.. i wondered what went on that was making her look that way.. When we caught eyes... It brought even more tears to my own ... i felt connected to her .. almost like we were meant to pass by to help each-other... for a moment I almost stopped to ask .. but i just kept walking as did she... we walked away ... we kept on our paths probably going the wrong way .... but we kept walking .. being one with the weather it helped us hide within it a comforting dark and wetness..
makes you feel not so alone.
Love Stories
So Ive been in a Love story Funk lately and Loving the classic Love Stories that have existed over time...
Romeo and Juliet
The Notebook
Tristan and Isolde
P.S. I Love You
Letters to Juliet
Etc.. to name a few..
Ive noticed a re-occurring theme.. they are always having to fight to be together and for the love.. They always have battles to fight. Why?
Its interesting to me.. because when I watch these movies and wish upon that kind of love to happen to be.. I fail to recognize the heartache and torture that comes with a fairytale Love Story. It grabs your heart like nothing else.. and in all honesty nothing but You and that person matter. its unbelievable to some but true to those who have been through it or are currently experiencing true fairy tale quality love.
It tears your heart apart and makes you cry uncontrollably... to not be able to be with the one you love and to have so many forces working against it .. its so hard to see it being possible.. It will eventually make you forget about the love and passion for each other and you get filled with doubt and sadness and worry ... You think it is a lie a fake love...
but not for long.. because then you will find yourself walking one day alone...and .. it hits you and it all comes back to you and makes you full of Sadness and brokenness because you are so in love with that person you can barely breathe without them.. it takes total control over you and you FIGHT you Fight like you have never fought before.. Because you know its real .. you know there is NOBODY else .... That is your be all one all LOVE.
ive realized that Love is everything <3 we must Fight for it
Its worth it and Every love story is true in my opinion as you can see they always end up able to be together but not without that fight...and when they fight miracles happen..
Because Love can create Miracles <3
Miss You
So much time has gone by
yet still cant wipe the tears from my eyes
every time i see your picture i cry
cant stand the thought of there being no you and I
Try to love other ones
fall for their goodness yet all i can see is the fault
Want you back in my life i don't even know why
just want to hold you tight
forget about it all
I miss you so much, since you've been gone
I've tried to move , trash can our memories away
all i seem to do is suppress the feelings that lie within my heart for you
still they cant flutter away stuck in the spot you left them in
why cant i love any others
were you the only one who makes my heart flutter
who I can kiss in public without a bother
The only one i can lye down with forever
not a second goes by while 'I'm looking in your eyes
Ive tried moving on i just miss you so much the feelings that are lost
cant seem to find them in another
cant find another source to get the satisfaction the love that you gave
i hope that can come back to me one day and stay
So strong I stand when feeling so weak
Broken from your gun shot to my heart
my eyes sparkle every day wanting to cry
force out a smile look at the frowns and say goodbye
behind closed doors I'm more broken by the hour the frowns reappear
theres something wrong here....
i miss you.............
yet still cant wipe the tears from my eyes
every time i see your picture i cry
cant stand the thought of there being no you and I
Try to love other ones
fall for their goodness yet all i can see is the fault
Want you back in my life i don't even know why
just want to hold you tight
forget about it all
I miss you so much, since you've been gone
I've tried to move , trash can our memories away
all i seem to do is suppress the feelings that lie within my heart for you
still they cant flutter away stuck in the spot you left them in
why cant i love any others
were you the only one who makes my heart flutter
who I can kiss in public without a bother
The only one i can lye down with forever
not a second goes by while 'I'm looking in your eyes
Ive tried moving on i just miss you so much the feelings that are lost
cant seem to find them in another
cant find another source to get the satisfaction the love that you gave
i hope that can come back to me one day and stay
So strong I stand when feeling so weak
Broken from your gun shot to my heart
my eyes sparkle every day wanting to cry
force out a smile look at the frowns and say goodbye
behind closed doors I'm more broken by the hour the frowns reappear
theres something wrong here....
i miss you.............
Never Ending December Depression
December is when it started i call it December Depression it follows me through the seasons ...When your gone the days don't matter just want them to be over.
When I awake each day deep memories fall into place. instead of the new the old remain my insanity insists its all the same Wish I could say I wish it were a dream.. but my dreams have turned into tortured thoughts ..ones that force me to scream break out in tears and wish my life away..
December Depression sinks under my skin colder then the snow biting at my body my spirit is drained..Frozen it cant escape... As I wait at my window for your return ... I watch the seasons go over and over... leaves they fall.. the grass turns green.. flowers die and then they grow but still my heart remains the same.. my abyss does not leave...
Each season brings me low, lower then the season before...As I wait for your return spring comes in a rush it brings the rain yet it fails to wash away my pain im still stuck in this abyss of loneliness..
Im stuck in this life it just wont change
December Depression has the best of me ....the death of me
It just wont go away....Why did you walk away?
When I awake each day deep memories fall into place. instead of the new the old remain my insanity insists its all the same Wish I could say I wish it were a dream.. but my dreams have turned into tortured thoughts ..ones that force me to scream break out in tears and wish my life away..
December Depression sinks under my skin colder then the snow biting at my body my spirit is drained..Frozen it cant escape... As I wait at my window for your return ... I watch the seasons go over and over... leaves they fall.. the grass turns green.. flowers die and then they grow but still my heart remains the same.. my abyss does not leave...
Each season brings me low, lower then the season before...As I wait for your return spring comes in a rush it brings the rain yet it fails to wash away my pain im still stuck in this abyss of loneliness..
Im stuck in this life it just wont change
December Depression has the best of me ....the death of me
It just wont go away....Why did you walk away?
UnWritten
Feeling so dead in a world so alive
my spirit is low i barely feel the ground
I'm floating on top of a suicidal abyss.. I dream if a change my life once existed..
pain and unsettled memories tear me up and make my eyes fill with tears
nothing in this life will help me out, Im all alone in a world so polluted of people
no one seems to notice to care
Broken beyond repair I simmer in my emotions lost with not cause
have no where to go... I feel so broken ...So Alone... im barely breathing im so alone
Im barely breathing cant feel the ground my suicdle abyss has become my only friend my outlet my peace this world being so harsh and cold leaves me with a sick comfort all I have is Me Im just so alone.............
I'm floating on top of a suicidal abyss.. I dream if a change my life once existed..
pain and unsettled memories tear me up and make my eyes fill with tears
nothing in this life will help me out
my spirit is low i barely feel the ground
I'm floating on top of a suicidal abyss.. I dream if a change my life once existed..
pain and unsettled memories tear me up and make my eyes fill with tears
nothing in this life will help me out, Im all alone in a world so polluted of people
no one seems to notice to care
Broken beyond repair I simmer in my emotions lost with not cause
have no where to go... I feel so broken ...So Alone... im barely breathing im so alone
Im barely breathing cant feel the ground my suicdle abyss has become my only friend my outlet my peace this world being so harsh and cold leaves me with a sick comfort all I have is Me Im just so alone.............
I'm floating on top of a suicidal abyss.. I dream if a change my life once existed..
pain and unsettled memories tear me up and make my eyes fill with tears
nothing in this life will help me out
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