Alone

The weather has suited my mood perfectly these last few days..Cloudy, Foggy and Damp


No Highs Just lows and in-betweens....
Cant hold onto a smile barely a sigh...grey and shaky.


When I look at the sky I can see the clouds crying.I match them by the look that drains upon my face..the skies...tears become my mask a mask to my own tears...
No one can tell i'm crying just another person walking in the rain... a passerby without any sort of importance looks me in the eyes.... It looked as if she was crying... Her face was covered in pain and sorrow.. i wondered what went on that was making her look that way.. When  we caught eyes... It brought even more tears to my own ... i felt connected to her .. almost like we were meant to pass by to help each-other... for a moment I almost stopped to ask .. but i just kept walking as did she... we walked away ... we kept on our paths probably going the wrong way .... but we kept walking .. being one with the weather it helped us hide within it a comforting dark and wetness.. 


makes you feel not so alone.

Love Stories

So Ive been in a Love story Funk lately and Loving the classic Love Stories that have existed over time...

Romeo and Juliet

The Notebook

Tristan and Isolde

P.S. I Love You

Letters to Juliet

Etc.. to name a few..

Ive noticed a re-occurring theme.. they are always having to fight to be together and for the love.. They always have battles to fight. Why?

Its interesting to me.. because when I watch these movies and wish upon that kind of love to happen to be.. I fail to recognize the heartache and torture that comes with a fairytale Love Story. It grabs your heart like nothing else.. and in all honesty nothing but You and that person matter. its unbelievable to some but true to those who have been through it or are currently experiencing true fairy tale quality love.

It tears your heart apart and makes you cry uncontrollably... to not be able to be with the one you love and to have so many forces working against it .. its so hard to see it being possible.. It will eventually make you forget about the love and passion for each other and you get filled with doubt and sadness and worry ... You think it is a lie a fake love...

but not for long.. because then you will find yourself walking one day alone...and .. it hits you and it all comes back to you and makes you full of Sadness and brokenness because you are so in love with that person you can barely breathe without them.. it takes total control over you and you FIGHT you Fight like you have never fought before..  Because you know its real .. you know there is NOBODY else .... That is your be all one all LOVE.

ive realized that Love is everything <3  we must Fight for it

Its worth it and Every love story is true in my opinion as you can see they always end up able to be together but not without that fight...and when they fight miracles happen..

Because Love can create Miracles <3

Miss You

So much time has gone by 
yet still cant wipe the tears from my eyes
every time i see your picture i cry
cant stand the thought of there being no you and I

Try to love other ones
fall for their goodness yet all i can see is the fault
Want you back in my life i don't even know why
just want to hold you tight
forget about it all

I miss you so much, since you've been gone
I've tried to move , trash can our memories away
all i seem to do is suppress the feelings that lie within my heart for you
still they cant flutter away stuck in the spot you left them in

why cant i love any others
were you the only one who makes my heart flutter
who I can kiss in public without a bother
The only one i can lye down with forever
not a second goes by while 'I'm looking in your eyes

Ive tried moving on i just miss you so much the feelings that are lost
cant seem to find them in another
cant find another source to get the satisfaction the love that you gave
i hope that can come back to me one day and stay

So strong I stand when feeling so weak
Broken from your gun shot to my heart
my eyes sparkle every day wanting to cry 
force out a smile look at the frowns and say goodbye
behind closed doors I'm more broken by the hour the frowns reappear 
theres something wrong here....

i miss you.............

Never Ending December Depression

December is when it started i call it December Depression  it follows me through the seasons ...When your gone the days don't matter just want them to be over.

When I awake each day  deep memories fall into place. instead of the new the old remain my insanity insists its all the same Wish I could say I wish it were a dream.. but my dreams have turned into tortured thoughts ..ones that force me to scream break out in tears and wish my life away..


December Depression sinks under my skin colder then the snow biting at my body my spirit is drained..Frozen it cant escape... As I wait at my window for your return ... I watch the seasons go over and over... leaves they fall.. the grass turns green.. flowers die and then they grow but still my heart remains the same.. my abyss does not leave...


Each season brings me low, lower then the season before...As I wait for your return spring comes in a rush it brings the rain  yet it fails to  wash away my pain im still stuck in this abyss of loneliness.. 

Im stuck in this life it just wont change 
December Depression has the best of me ....the death of me

It just wont go away....Why did you walk away?

UnWritten

Feeling so dead in a world so alive
my spirit is low i barely feel the ground
I'm floating on top of a suicidal abyss.. I dream if a change my life once existed..
pain and unsettled memories tear me up and make my eyes fill with tears
nothing in this life will help me out, Im all alone in a world so polluted of people
no one seems to notice to care 
Broken beyond repair I simmer in my emotions lost with not cause
have no where to go... I feel so broken ...So Alone... im barely breathing im so alone
Im barely breathing cant feel the ground my suicdle abyss has become my only friend my outlet my peace this world being so harsh and cold leaves me with a sick comfort all I have is Me Im just so alone.............
I'm floating on top of a suicidal abyss.. I dream if a change my life once existed..
pain and unsettled memories tear me up and make my eyes fill with tears
nothing in this life will help me out

Young Child

Young child please dont cry
Your’ll be alright your’ll make it through
Its not your fault
They took advantage of you for being so innocent
They took it away from you , they scared you, they scarred your mind your body your soul
Young child please dont hide within yourself
Go get some help
Help yourself
Its not your fault dont be ashamed you are loved this was not supposed to happen to you
Young child please dont waste your life because of a mentally ill individual tried to ruin you
Young child please dont cry
Its not your fault you knew no other way
Young child please dont cry 
Your safe now , your protected this will never happen again to you
Speak out so it wont happen to another 
Heal yourself move on from the scars
Young child please dont be scared no more your protected now never again will you feel this pain this shame
Young child its not your fault there will be another day you will survive this tragic moment in time!

Blind Folded

I feel it inside of me
All around .. Blind folded

how can i be confused when i cant think up a single thought
I need to find a way to let my emotions fall and need to lift myself up 

So stuck in a Drought of emotionless thoughts
So blindfolded cant see anything for what it really is
The world is so blinding and deceiving why cant i see what truly is
whats the point of this 

Blindfolded ..I`m going crazy cant stand holding such emotionless thoughts and smiles
so jaded by this world and its contents
such a beautiful place why cant it be appreciated and mirrored by individuals

So Frustrated at the human race...I thought I could see`.... now i can barely breathe
looking in the mirror i barely recognize myself.. blindfolded i'm going crazy
when I look around all i see is images no real people or words
Just jaded reactions and judgments
On edge emotions and hopeless friends

all been said and done...thinking about being blindfolded

I ponder to myself is it better to be Blindfolded?

Mute

I'm slowly falling short of what i expected from you
it never ends these expectations of perfection with you
when it comes to you i don't know what to do

My mind like my heart is deceived and scarred
Ignored and tossed around
just for one moment they want to be free
released by the memories that haunt their every being.


My Mind is being choked by the thoughts of you
cant get rid of the memories it had with you
After all i allowed you to put me through i can only focus on the good times i had with you

My mind is being choked by the thoughts of you
the words you fed me ..the emotions i vomited
cant vomit enough in a moment to get rid of the ruined remains of you